i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
