i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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