i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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