I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
