Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
