I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
