oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
