I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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