Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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