i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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