there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
