It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
