Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
