Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
