I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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