paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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