dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
