I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
