the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
