he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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