I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
