I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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