My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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