Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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