dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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