hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
