escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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