I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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