I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When did angry sex become our thing?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
