Christians are straight up FREAKS
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Even my vagina gasped.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Enjoy the penises
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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