home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
