Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
