meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is my gift to your gina
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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