The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
