so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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