So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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