does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
