Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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