these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
