watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
