Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i would punch a child for taco bell
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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