I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
