how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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