I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
