I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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