He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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