yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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