rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
