Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
