This dress was meant to end up on your floor
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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